East Grinstead RFC produced a dominant, chaotic, and often hilarious performance as they powered past Eastbourne in a one-sided contest filled with big carries, mis-kicks, slick offloads, and one very questionable chip-and-volley attempt.

First Half
EG set the tone early when Peary bullied the opening lineout, forcing a penalty. Moments later, Or thundered through the defence with a dominant carry, and the first try soon followed. Off a solid scrum, Jake hit a hard line, leapt for the tryline, and grounded the ball for the opener. The conversion was—unfortunately a theme of the day—missed. Eastbourne’s No.10 then struggled to send a kick above head height, gifting possession back to EG. Capitalising again, Connor tipped brilliantly to Jake, who weaved through defenders for his second of the match. Another miss from the tee. Eastbourne’s kicking woes continued, and a poor strike caused a knock-on. From the resulting scrum dominance, Ali found Jack Andrews, who torched the touchline, stepped the fullback, and scored his first of the day. Yes—another missed conversion.

A penalty to Eastbourne offered them relief, but their failure to find touch allowed chaos to resume. EG turned it over, Connor Leggat burst through, only for the move to be halted for Eastbourne going off their feet. A loose ball then bounced kindly for Jack Andrews, who sat down their prop before offloading to Brimo. Brimo galloped upfield—at what felt like top speed—before feeding Or to finish the move. Conversion? Missed.

Eastbourne finally built pressure from a scrum, sending the ball to their fly-half—who lined up Dan Poulton. Dan made his one and only tackle of the match… and conceded a penalty for a high shot. Retirement suddenly looking like good timing. Another EG lineout allowed John Peaty to peel from the maul and get over the line, but he was held up. From the ensuing goal-line dropout, EG turned the ball back over on the 5-metre line, moved it quickly, and Will Roberts finished in the corner—the first successful conversion of the match. Some heavy carrying and sharp offloads from Connor led to Jack Andrews bagging his second try, this time converted cleanly. Half-time: 35–0 to East Grinstead.

Second Half
The second period began the same way the first ended—dominantly. A huge hit from Jack Andrews dislodged the ball, quick hands spread it wide, and Will Roberts dived over for his second. Conversion missed. Eastbourne restarted badly again, and EG’s scrum began to dismantle their opposition, sending tremors of fear through their front row. A clever show-and-go then split Eastbourne’s line, allowing John Peaty to stride in for a try—this time not held up.

Needing to preserve their ageing talent, the coaches hauled off Dan and unleashed Henry at scrum-half—despite him insisting all week that he could play “everywhere except 9.” His first pass immediately put EG on the back foot by landing behind Tim. Welcome to 9, Henry. EG soon stretched the field again from a lineout, finding Will Roberts who completed yet another try (conversion missed). Eastbourne then turned over an EG lineout and broke through a small gap, only for Henry to sweep across and cover. A knock-on followed… but not before two forwards decided to have a mid-match cuddle where the lineout had been. Probably to keep warm.

Brimo and Mark Lewis combined brilliantly to send John Peaty bursting into space. One-on-one with the fullback, Peaty attempted what could have been try of the match… if he hadn’t volleyed the ball dead instead of gently grubbering it. The coaches had seen enough—Henry’s time at scrum-half was over. Connor Leggat returned to restore order at 9. Eastbourne’s next attack ended with their 10 knocking on. From the scrum, and spotting nobody on the blindside, Henry picked and fed Connor, who sent the ball wide for Jack Andrews to complete his hat-trick.

Off the next kickoff, EG built phases, and the ball again reached Henry. At the front of a pod, he stepped one defender, bounced the next, sold a show-and-go to a third, and charged from halfway like a gazelle. With one man left, he fed Ben Marelli with the tryline begging. Henry began celebrating—unfortunately too early. From absolutely nowhere, an Eastbourne prop hunted Marelli down and tackled him. Eastbourne won the penalty for holding on, and Marelli is now officially banned from receiving the ball again.

A superb day for East Grinstead, highlighted by Jack Andrews earning Man of the Match for his hat-trick, defensive work, and general dominance—also on his 21st birthday (he definitely didn’t bribe anyone for the praise).

Dick of the Day went to the match-report writer himself, after celebrating a try that wasn’t awarded. Strong competition included:
• Peaty’s attempted volley out of the in-goal,
• Josh Weaver’s yellow card,
• Dan Poulton’s single tackle and three missed conversions.

But no hard feelings. Promise.

Next week is a rest week before the local derby against Crawley