If you’ve ever happened to be in the vicinity of the Saint Hill area on a Monday evening, you may have been more than a little curious about the frequent, rather loud and sometimes slightly aggressive shouts of ‘TOUCH!’ echoing from the darkness. Well, all can now be revealed and there really is no need to be concerned.

For those that enjoy a run around, chasing a funny shaped ball and occasionally (very occasionally) playing your small part in a moment of sporting triumph, whilst being (relatively) confident you’ll still be in one piece when you leave the pitch after the game, then Touch Rugby at East Grinstead Rugby Club may just be for you.

It might be the collision of ley lines in the East Grinstead area or perhaps the rugby clubs close proximity to the international headquarters of Scientology but there is something other-worldly about this particular group of self proclaimed athletes. Sure, they’re full of speed, sluggishness, agility, clumsiness, panache and incompetence. Through all this though, the word that mostly springs to mind when watching this truly talented bunch, is… serenity. They flow and wax like a fleshy swarm of drones above Buckingham Palace until finally the light extravaganza bedazzles their opposition into a dribbly stupor, and they pounce. Often this results in a torn hamstring or a rolled ankle.

Under the leadership of the sometimes majestic (and often rather less so) Thad Dell, our motley crew of middle aged has-beens really is an eclectic mix. Come and meet Timbo, welcoming you with a slobbery kiss and his post match frozen mars bars. We have Clean Tom, East Grinstead’s answer to Wayne Barnes (You’re ALL offside!!!); then there’s Grant, who willingly swaps a post match pint for a lonesome 45 minute cooldown but somehow always ends up with an ice pack wrapped around the end of a limb (which one will it be this week?). Josh, the Welsh Wayne Sleep, is still waiting for his long overdue invitation to Strictly Come Dancing; we’ve got Dan and his Wonder Trousers, never have you seen such a large man capable of sliding so far in the mud; and if you’ve got a spare couple of hours, it’s always worth grabbing a pint with Tom B, who will generously talk you through ‘that’ try from last year. We’ve also got a lot of Ben’s, but which one is which we’re never too sure. In most cases, Mr Benn is probably the most appropriate comparison.

Of course, the post match social is just as important (for most of us, it’s more important). We always enjoy a beer in the clubhouse after the game, lubricating those torn hamstrings and rolled ankles, whilst wonderfully over elaborating on the various ‘highlights’ of that evening’s game. Still, if it made you feel better, then that’s what it’s all about. It’s not just the beer though and after a couple of hours of physical and mental endurance, a healthy meal is also important. It’s a little known fact that the East Grinstead Touch Rugby squad are also home to the International Pork Scratching Tasting Committee, which brings a whole new dimension to the evening’s festivities. What these guys don’t know about pork based snacks really isn’t worth knowing.

We also happen to be the breeding ground for the most talented, inspirational and forward thinking Junior Rugby coaches in the land and many of us drag ourselves out of bed to impart our skills and wisdom onto our children’s teams on a Sunday morning. Those kids really don’t know quite how lucky they are, but when they’re lifting the Webb Ellis in 20 years time, we’re sure they will take a moment to reflect and pass thanks on to those aging rugby gods who encouraged them to chuck a ball around all those years ago.

Being a little more serious for a moment, it is often said that Monday night at the rugby club is the highlight of the week. For many of us, with the pressure of busy work and family lives , it’s that precious time away to focus on yourself, put energy into something you truly love doing, for both physical and mental wellbeing, whilst making lifelong friends at the same time and always coming off with a smile on your face. It always amazes us that none of us ever did quite make it at the very highest level. Still, what was England’s loss is East Grinstead’s gain.

For more info, please email Thad at: thadddell15@gmail.com
We look forward to seeing you on a Monday evening!!